Eager for some breathing room? Cringe at the pace? a little overwhelmed by it all? Here’s the truth of where I’m at… maybe you can relate.
My voice has been quiet here for a few months. Not out of disinterest, or a renewed passion elsewhere, but sheer depletion. This fall was been a season where my capacity has maxed out. I would meet exhaustion, before even stirring the oatmeal pot many mornings. The root cause? Not one task or struggle to blame – it’s the layers.
Life is complex. When the layers compound, with stress or fear as the binding glue, their weight seems to amplify. Tense shoulders, irritable mood, empty cookie jar. I saw the margins in my life narrowing in October, but didn’t have the will power or the wisdom to stop them. Layers look different for all of us – strained relationships, financial fears, career uncertainty, loneliness, grief, health problems, plus the everyday ups and downs.
My body said “I’ve had enough!” about 3 weeks ago. Life rhythms halted, family members came to the rescue, and this Mama was in bed.
Thankful for a gracious man in my life, who stepped up when I couldn’t. He builds with his hands beautiful things by day, and builds into our hearts by night. Together, we are in the midst of rebuilding our love story from the foundation up. With some wise counsel to guide us, we’re learning to see the cracks and repair them, and to level out our selfishness. Marriage is hard work. I’m sure all engaged couples are told that… but who listens when you’re madly in love! It takes courage, crazy vulnerability and buckets of hope. We have started talking about our 25th anniversary. I know, it’s almost 18 years away… but who we want to be as a couple then, is who we decide to be now.
Peeling back the layers and exposing them to the light has been freeing the past few weeks. Being honest with myself and God about my limits, has opened up the door for Him redefine the boundaries in my life.
I’m learning Sabbath all over again. That it’s not just a day of rest, it’s a way of life. It’s building an attitude of Sabbath margin into all areas of my life. When I overindulge or push myself to the max, even in doing what is good, I lose out. One more brownie, one late-night TV show, one more pair of cute shoes, one more ministry commitment…. I lose my contentment by not resting in His provision.
There’s more to this story to come, but it’s 10 o’clock, so I’m signing off.
P.S. Alongside some sweet friends, I’m journeying towards a healthier life.. Check this video out and message me here if you’re longing for this kind of transformation too